When it comes to love, most of us look out for someone who’s perfect. Someone who ticks off all our boxes, someone who immediately fits us perfectly, and it makes sense. No one goes out of his/her way to pursue or build a relationship with someone who’s a trainwreck – it’s just counter-intuitive. We all want good things for ourselves, and the same applies with love.
What I’ve come to realize is that perfection is overrated. Perfection doesn’t challenge you and allow you to grow. Perfection doesn’t have the ability to surprise you. Eventually, perfection gets boring. Despite the checklist of qualities you want in a partner, despite the scenarios you fantasize about in your head, perfection may not be what you’re looking for. Perfection may not be what you need.
My partner and I are far from perfect people. Before we met, I was deeply insecure. I was saddled with issues and he too, had his demons to fight. We were both a little broken in our own ways and to this day, we still are. We didn’t fit each other perfectly at first because, of course, our issues came between us. But at the end of the day, being imperfect, being flawed, and being together in spite of all of that has made us better people – it’s given us this special love we now share.
There is so much beauty that comes from a love born from two imperfect, flawed individuals. There is such a special story between the two of you; such a special journey you both take, both alone and together; and above all, such a special connection you have with each other.
This is how it’s beautiful to love someone who is as imperfect as you are – someone who’s as flawed as you.
Your scars look better beside his
When you’re with someone who’s as flawed as you are, you can come together bearing the wounds of each of your pasts, comparing the sicknesses in your brains or your personalities. And when you do, you will each find that you are each not so broken, that you are each not so messed up after all.
You find solace in each other
When you’re with someone who’s also a little bit messed up in the head and heart, it’s liberating. You feel safe. Your love feels like sanctuary. There is no space for judgment in your relationship and you are free to speak about how you see yourself, to explain your actions and your point of view… It takes someone who knows and has experienced pain to convince you that you will be okay.
You heal together
You both grow and change and fight your demons side by side and you see each other evolve into better people through the seasons. In every battle, every triumph and every failure, you inspire each other. You root for each other, and you support each other in a deeply profound way.
You connect with each other on a whole other level
Nothing brings two people closer than when one person knocks down his walls and presents his inner world for someone else to see. And when two people do it? There’s no connection quite like it.
Imperfect love is beautiful
Two imperfect people can only love in their own imperfect way – and I think that’s beautiful. I think love is beautiful when it doesn’t come easy. When expressing your love or trust is inconvenient, unnatural, or just hard to do, it becomes that much more meaningful.
When two uniquely imperfect people come together, work through their issues and figure out the best dynamic for their relationship, that’s when they create something singular – something uniquely beautiful.
We are all flawed and plagued by our own council of demons. Some of us have been through terrible experiences, and some of us go through life thereafter a little (or a lot) broken. Maybe we will never feel okay, and that’s something we all have to make our peace with.
With someone who’s just as broken and as deeply flawed as we are, that journey takes on a different form and shape. It’s less lonely and less tiring. It can actually be quite the ride. So, treasure your imperfect other today, and for as long as you have him, because loving him and being loved by him is making you a better you. Above all, I think that’s the sweetest gift love can bring.